And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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