I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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