I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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