conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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