Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize