im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
