she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize