new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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