I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
