Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
