Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
