I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize