I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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