U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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