i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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