I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
