No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
