the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
