So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
