Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize