You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Your penis caused this!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
