I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
