adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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