He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
