Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
