If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
