I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
