Fine. I'll sleep in my office
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
