apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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