Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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