Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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