i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
