So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
