420 ftw
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
he's single and there are thong briefs.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
