Sacagawea was the original milf.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
