did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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