also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
