Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
