It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
