He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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