ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
