i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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