ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
