Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
