At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
