why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
