C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
