dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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