The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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