I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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