she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
