i can't believe i had my finger in that
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
