Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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