Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
