turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Damn victory sex feels great
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
