Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
