I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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