she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
