I could have mohawked her pubes.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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