Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
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