Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
