I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
