Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
