it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
