This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
