oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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