How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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